With my first surrogacy I had a pretty good experience. Towards the end however I felt I would be tossed aside. Now, there's nothing saying that either side has to keep in contact. It would be nice, but it's not mandatory. I knew that going into this. I didn't need the contact, I just hoped for it. But when she was born, I thought it would be, "Thank you very much, have a nice life.". "Goodbye".
It's been 3 1/2 years now and I still get e-mails, pictures, Christmas cards, etc. What really touched me was the Christmas card I got about a year and a half after she was born. They thanked me again for everything I had done and were so grateful because without me they would not have their daughter. Because of their culture, I was a secret to some. A lot of people didn't know they had a surrogate. Maybe that was part of the reason I thought I'd be "tossed aside". afterwards. But I wasn't. They have become long distance friends. (none of my couples have lived close) I knew they were happy and grateful the day she was born, but I feel so special that they have chosen to keep in touch and that they still think of me. The mom actually said that every time she looks at her she thinks of me. Not because she looks like me. (I only contributed my uterus) She thinks of me because she wouldn't have her without me. These are her words, not mine. I had no idea that could feel so important, essential even.
When S______ was born, it felt so natural to have her handed to her parents. I felt blessed to be the stork. I didn't want to feel left out, but I didn't want to impose on the parents bonding with their baby either. I didn't know how I would feel after she was born. Well she wasn born at about 4:00 AM, and I was happy and exhausted. She was my first natural birth and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was a 1st time surrogate and I wanted to do things right. She was not mine. The parents were set up in their own room in the hospital with her. My mom was there and my kids were there. They all got to hold her. My friend (a surrogate too) even came to visit and got to hold her. I hadn't held her yet. My mom told me that S_____ wanted me to hold her before I left the hospital. I think it was about 10:00 PM when we went to their room to meet her and hold her. It didn't feel like I was holding the baby I had carried and delivered. It felt like I was holding my friend's baby and I was so happy for her and her husband. I had worried that I might get depressed after she was born, but I felt so uplifted. I felt overjoyed. I had never felt happier.
My 2nd set of IP's were wonderful. I just fell in love with them. I adored the mom and we emailed constantly.I got pregnant on the first try, but I sadly miscarried. They moved on and couldn't bear to try again. They had already been through so much. But they kept in touch. I'm so sad that I didn't get to see their dreams come true. My heart broke right along with them. But I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know such great people and to have shared such an intimate part of their lives.
My next IP's were great too. So nice and friendly. We all got along so well. They were very comfortable to be around, almost like old friends. The first embryo transfer failed, but we tried again and it was well worth it. We were not surprised to find out it was twins. I was so excited for them. Each surrogacy is different in it's own way. I felt pretty special to be a surrogate pregnant with twins. It wasn't the easiest pregnancy, but it was still very enjoyable. To feel two seperate babies moving inside of me, it was absolutely amazing. For awhile I couldn't tell them apart. But soon I knew that one was more quiet and calm and the other was the life of the party. I was so grateful to be a part of that experience. They have also kept in touch and I just feel honored.
You enjoy the surrogacy, you move on with your life and then you get reminders of the miracle(s) you were a part of. All of these parents have blessed me more than they know. My heart is so full. Here I am thankful for so much this year and I find a beautiful e-mail this morning:
"Jill and L____ -
I wanted to drop a quick note and some pictures of Mr. H______ and Mr. O______. Of the many things I am thankful for in my life, these two delicious boys are near (at) the top of my list. They are such a joy and are doing so well. While I don’t think we have it all under control yet, things are slowly getting easier. At 7 months (wow time has gone so fast), the boys do not require the minute-by-minute attention they used to. It is not always easy, but it is so satisfying. (The boys look serious in these photos, which is amazing, because they are giggling and smiling almost all the time.)
I thank Jill so much for helping us get these delicious monkeys and L_____ for helping bring it all about.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and may God bless and protect you and your families.
I was so touched and got a little choked up. This is above and beyond what I expected when I first wanted to be a surrogate in 2005. I have been blessed to be God's helper and those blessings just keep coming.
I am grateful to these families for choosing me to be their surrogate and for treating me like an angel.
*I decided to add pics. I apologize, I can't really show the precious babies.
This was the day I checked into the hospital 32 weeks. They were born at 33 weeks.