Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Two down one to go

Unfortunately the pregnancy is no longer progressing. I should be between 8-9 weeks but have been measuring 5 weeks 6 days for the past 2 weeks.

Everything was going so well. The first ultrasound showed a sac and a bleed. No big deal. 2nd ultrasound showed a yolk and fetal pole. Yay! The Intended Parents flew in for that one. We were hoping to see a heartbeat. That's when we started measuring a little behind. 5 weeks 6 days when I should have been about 7 weeks) The bleed didn't seem to be an issue. I had no cramping, no bleeding, no signs of miscarriage. We checked my hcg levels. They were still rising, but slowly and not quite as high as they "should" be.

No reason to lose hope. Pregnancies measure behind sometimes in the beginning. The clinic figured the embryo must have implanted late.

I went in for another ultrasound a week later. I wasn't impressed with the local fertility centers' ultrasounds. Every time they thought something looked off, the CA clinic thought things looked fine. I decided to go to my ob/gyn. They had been with me for all but one pregnancy.(my first surrogacy when we lived in San Diego)
They did my monitoring for my other surrogacies. I wanted another opinion, someone I could trust.
They didn't clear anything up. I was still measuring 5 weeks, 6 days. But then again, we were comparing two ultrasounds from two different places. They were bound to be off a little. Still no heartbeat, but babies and heartbeats sometimes hide, especially if you have a tilted uterus. (which I certainly do)

But the CA clinic said we didn't have a viable pregnancy and to stop meds. 

I was sad and prepared to miscarry. I even had some cramping after the ultrasound and thought ok, this is it.
Amazing Grace had already asked if I would be up for a 3rd try. Of course!

But I felt like we should give this one more shot. What if things were still ok, just a little behind? I still felt more and more pregnant and I wasn't bleeding or feeling like I was miscarrying. (I had miscarried before but it was so different)
What if we had a misdiagnosed miscarriage? 
I had come across so many stories of similar situations that turned out alright. Sometimes a week or 2 later the heartbeat was found and all was well.

 We agreed to give it a few more days, a definite diagnosis.

Well that came today when I went in for another ultrasound. Last week the ultrasound tech was optimistic. Today she immediately could tell there was no change, no growth, still measuring 5 weeks, 6 days.

I don't regret waiting a little longer. We were still prepared for the worst. I was able to be neutral, but I sure felt pregnant and had a glimmer of hope. We know we did our best, really gave it a fair shot. I won't wonder what if.

So now we move on and can hopefully try again soon.

My body didn't exactly know what to do with my last miscarriage and I ended up bleeding for 2 months and needing 2 d&c's. This time I might skip the drama and do the d&c right away so we can move on. I am meeting with my Dr. on Thursday. We may end up doing it then or schedule it for Friday morning.

I'm super bummed for my IPs but we felt good about making it farther this time than last time. (Last time we had a chemical pregnancy, basically a super early miscarriage)

Hoping 3rd time's the charm.