Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas Angels and a touch of sadness

We have truly been blessed this Christmas. I think we did pretty good for not having a job. We somehow were able to get gifts for everyone on our list. (Thank you Plasma Money!)

We were touched more than once by a Christmas Angel. Our church does a Sub For Santa and we were included. THANK YOU!!! Beyond that, we came home one evening to an envelope that was pushed through our door and on the floor. Inside was a one hundred dollar bill and a simple printed note that said Merry Christmas!!! It brought tears to my eyes. We were deeply touched and full of gratitude to this anonymous Angel. Thank You!!! My mom did a Scentsy party for me and got me a $170 order which will bring in some money in January. Mom's rock! Thank You!!! My friend/husband's cousin's wife bought some Scentsy bulbs from me and slipped me a tip. So sweet! Thank you!!! All of this helped to have an awesome Christmas spirit and gave me feelings of hope after feeling some despair.

It didn't really feel like Christmas though, not like it usually does. Maybe it was the complete lack of snow or maybe it was just reality catching up to me. We've been through a lot since October (and it's not over yet), and I wasn't able to look forward to the holidays without knowing what the future would hold. I can only focus one day at a time right now. I'm usually pretty happy and calm and optimistic, and for the most part I still am. But a few times I've been brought to overwhelming tears of sadness. Christmas Eve was awesome, but it still wasn't feeling like Christmas. I forgot it was even Christmas morning when our 14 year old son tried to wake us up at 6:15 AM. We talked him into letting us sleep until about 8:00.

I couldn't quite get into the excitement of opening presents. I was a bit somber. And when I say the excitement of opening presents, I mean for my kids, not for me. I don't ask for much and I got plenty. After presents I made a lovely Christmas breakfast- Honey Wheat Waffles, Fluffy Scrambled Eggs with cheese and Turkey Bacon. It tasted good, but I was still sad. 

My husband caught on as I was getting ready for the day and was kind enough to tackle and console me. Things got better from there.

A few years ago I had to tell Santa to tone it down... he was kind of showing us up. I didn't want him to be giving our kids bigger and better presents than we were. I also didn't want him to be the focus of Christmas. So now he just fills the kids stockings with a few things. And now the kids are a little disappointed with Santa. And I'm ok with that.