God's hand in surrogacy (I've finally found my perfect match)

There is no doubt in my mind that God plays a role in my surrogacy life. I feel that he led me to surrogacy to begin with and I've mentioned before what a blessing it has been in my life and how it has opened other doors for me.

It brings me much happiness and I feel it is where I truly belong.

I have been on a roller coaster ride the past year trying to find the right match for me. There were times when we were headed up and we got stuck on the track. Then we started to go down and God whispered that it wasn't going to work out. Sometimes I was frustrated and I didn't understand why. Then I would move on and find another potential match and we would start going up again. Things would be looking good and then God whispers that it wasn't going to work out either. This happened a few times. Sometimes the timing just wasn't right for the couple. Each time I was told that it wasn't personal and that they were lucky to have known me and wished me the best.

And then I found an amazing woman. (IM/Intended Mom) We felt a connection right away. We set up a phone call the next day. We emailed back and forth at least 30 times in the first few days as we got to know each other. We quickly formed a personal relationship built on trust and honesty.

I can talk to her about anything and everything. Some of the other PIM's (Potential Intended Moms) would get weird with me if I asked any personal questions or tried to get to know them as a person, beyond the surrogacy. Not Amazing Grace. (not her name, but seems fitting) I can't say enough about her and how great she is and how much I treasure her and our relationship.

Sometimes as a surrogate you think you know what you are looking for in an IP. I want someone who is easy to talk to, understanding, caring, loving, (especially as parents, hello!) respectful. Trust is important. It is so hard though to find someone that you really connect with. They might meet your criteria on paper, but actions speak louder than words. Amazing Grace's actions sing beautifully and warms my soul! She has exceeded my expectations- above and beyond.

She even remembered when my birthday was from a phone call a month ago. I was impressed!  :)
Our anniversaries are two days apart. How cool is that? 

I think she knows more about me and my life than my blog readers do.(and yet I haven't scared her away)

I adore her and I'm so grateful for her and for this opportunity in my life right now. She and her cute little family (husband and daughter) are flying in to meet me and my family this weekend. I am beyond excited! 

She is so selfless that when she was figuring out a weekend to come out and meet me she offered 3 different Saturdays and one of them was the day of her anniversary. I picked the weekend in between. Monday was my birthday and now I have this weekend to look forward to meeting these wonderful people. Great week for me!

It is so important to me to have a personal relationship with my IPs (Intended Parents) and to not feel like this is an impersonal business transaction. There are so many steps along the way in a surrogacy journey. We are still in the beginning steps, but so far it's been amazing. I cannot wait to move forward and see all the blessings in store for us.

This time the rollercoaster has stayed on track and I have not heard any whispers of this not working out. (and if they are coming to meet me that must be a good sign, right?)
I believe God helped us find each other for a reason and I am extremely grateful to HIM! I believe he has saved the best for last. Funny thing is, he only seems to want me to work with couples from one state in particular. This will be my 4th couple from CA.

I only hope that by blogging and bragging, I haven't jinxed anything.

Wish us luck this weekend!

Double Feature- A Match Made in Heaven

I want to introduce you to both sides of the surrogacy world- the intended parent and the surrogate. But it doesn't end there. There are intended parents, plural and then there's the surrogate's husband. It's all a team effort. This story focuses on the surrogate and the intended mom.

I've spoken before about how important it is to find a good match. I want to introduce you to Hope (LDS Intended Parent of a Baby Conceived through Surrogacy) and Vanessa (A day in the life of a perfectly imperfect perfectionist)

They found each other on Craigslist of all places! They were a great match, which I would call a Match Made in Heaven. They are both LDS and they got permission from the 1st presidency to pursue surrogacy. How great is that? I hope that their story(s) will bring hope to others looking into surrogacy who are LDS and may have questions and concerns.

Most surrogacy journeys are not 100% smooth from day one. There will always be ups and downs and snags.  Hope and Vanessa had a great relationship and blogged about it all, including the ups and downs. I loved their honesty and I loved that they publicly claimed each other.

This was Vanessa's first surrogacy and she gave birth to a baby boy- Spencer on July 1, 2012 Congratulations to you all!

I wanted to be really profound with this blog post, but I didn't want to take too long to post it. Please visit their blogs and let their stories speak for themselves.

For Vanessa's stance on surrogacy and the LDS religion and to read more about what the 1st presidency has to say go here: -- http://myamundson5.blogspot.com/2011/10/my-position-regarding-surrogacy.html 

I am and always will be a Mormon Surrogate (my thoughts and opinions on the 2)

I have been approached time and time again through email and my blog about being a Mormon Surrogate. I am asked advice on the combo at least once a week. I am not complaining, I just feel it obviously is something I should address.

I feel like I keep repeating myself over and over, so here it goes:

When I was first starting out as a surrogate I felt very strongly about it. I felt that I was actually led to it, that it was something I was supposed to do. I was not active in the church at the time (2005), however, I still considered myself a good little Mormon girl and was curious what the church would think. My mom was the most spiritual person I knew. She goes to the temple weekly. She was living with me at the time and I discussed it with her. She was supportive even though she wasn't sure what to think at first. She finally came to the conclusion that there are all these babies that still need to be born in this time and someone needs to help bring down those babies. That has always stuck with me. These babies need to get here somehow.

Shortly after our conversation I moved to San Diego to be with my Navy hubby. We went to church a few times and went to some of the activities. Right away I met another surrogate in the ward. Everyone seemed supportive of surrogacy and surrogates. Most people I talked to in San Diego or back in Utah felt it was a very spiritual, positive thing to do. I knew some very influential and/or respectable people within the church and they seemed supportive. No one ever said otherwise. Sure I had a friend or two who didn't understand it but actually they weren't even LDS, it wasn't a religious thing with them. They just didn't get it.

I moved back to Utah in 2006, about 2 weeks after my first surrobaby was born. A few people in the ward knew and acted supportive.  People started to approach me and compliment me and be in awe of such a selfless act. During this time I was matched again, got pregnant, but sadly miscarried.  A year later I was matched again and after 2 transfers, I was pregnant with twins. We went to church a few times here and there and slowly got to know our ward. For the most part, people were extremely supportive. Only a few people didn't seem to know what to think.

After the birth of the twins in 2009, my husband initiated us to go back to church full time. Sure, why not? So our journey began. We were on a fast-track. I believe it was May that we really started going back. (although we had been a few times during the twin pregnancy) I remember still healing from the c-section and falling dead asleep in sacrament because I was on Lortab and it knocked me on my butt. I remember thinking, "this is not good to be drugged out at church".  But I'm getting sidetracked.
We had the missionaries come over and start teaching us the lessons. We had 2 children older than 8 who hadn't been baptized yet. That was our first goal. That goal soon became doubled with my husband being challenged to be the one to baptize the kids. He hesitated but it ended up working out. They were baptized in July 2009. Somewhere along the way as we soon were challenged to go through the temple, I became curious about how surrogacy would fit into it all. I wasn't done being a surrogate and I didn't want it to be an issue. So I Googled  LDS surrogate, etc. I came across something that seemed to suggest that the church didn't exactly agree with it. I was confused, so I asked the bishop. He knew exactly where to look and pulled out the church handbook. "The church strongly discourages surrogacy" I believe it used to just be "discourages surrogacy" , but is now strongly discouraged?

I have not received a straight forward answer on why it's discouraged or what about it is discouraged. Like everything else in the church, it all seems to depend on your ward/stake leaders.

This is my opinion on the whole issue. I believe it is traditional surrogacy that the church frowns upon. (using your own eggs as a surrogate) I also believe that there are things that go along with surrogacy that wouldn't fit in with church standards, for example: selective reduction, aborting because of abnormalities, being a surrogate for a single parent or same sex parent since the church is all about FAMILY as husband and wife with their children.  That being said, it is my understanding that being a gestational surrogate as long as you follow church standards is okey dokey. I also believe that the church might not want to condone it because it's not for everyone. Some women  might have a hard time being a surrogate. I've also heard that some people frown upon the fact that surrogates are compensated, and yet it's totally fine for a mother to give her child up for adoption and be compensated. I think there is so much involved with surrogacy that it would be hard for the church to specifically say this is ok and this is not. It is discouraged, not absolutely forbidden. I have never been approached and told I should not be a surrogate. I will always consider myself a surrogate even if I never do it again. It would crush me if I was ever told I couldn't do something that was so much a part of who I am. Not only that but I believe that being a surrogate brought me closer to God and I still feel good about being a surrogate. So if it's absolutely wrong in the church's eyes, then the most spiritual, uplifting times of my life were not valid. That does not sit well with me. I know plenty of LDS surrogates who got the ok from their Bishop/Stake President. If you are in doubt, I would suggest talking to them. I am only sharing my personal opinion of my experience and how I feel about it all.

What's interesting is the fact that my blog began as a spiritual journal as we prepared to go through the temple. Mormon Surrogate is what described me best. I knew it wasn't an extremely common combination, that there weren't a TON of us out there, but I didn't know that it was controversial or that so many people would be reaching out to me as they search for answers.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. If you have come here looking for answers and are wanting to be a surrogate, I wish you the best of luck!