Monday, June 11, 2012

Grudge VS. Forgiveness

We all know people who hold grudges. Some people could make a living of it, they do it so well.

I've been on both sides, although I don't hold a grudge for long. Maybe a few days at best if someone hurts my feelings. I wouldn't even call it a grudge. If I get hurt, I admit I can get defensive. However, I try to assess the situation and try to understand the true intent of what the person said that may have hurt me.

Life is too short and it is easy to misread people. Sometimes we get hurt when someone says or does something (or doesn't say or do something). Sometimes their intentions were good, you know, they meant well. There are some people who are naturally good at hurting people and I just don't think they are even aware.

It's no fun to have your feelings hurt for any reason, whether someone meant to or not.  It can be hard to get over hurt feelings, especially when you don't know for sure if someone was deliberately trying to hurt you or not.

Not only is it no fun to hold a grudge, but it really sucks to be on the other end of a grudge.

Grudges are contagious and they can spread if they are not contained.

Have you ever been in a situation where one person is mad at someone else, but somehow you get stuck in the middle? You can see both sides, but you don't want to side with either person. There's always two sides to every story.

It is usually a good idea to state the fact that you are hurt. However, you can't make a person change or even apologize. Some people will get offended/ and or defensive. Some people will turn it around and act like they are the victim and you hurt them. Others will feel bad and didn't realize they had even hurt you and will sincerely apologize.

Forgive and forget is not always as easy as said and done. It certainly depends on the situation.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you contributed at all to the situation. If so- then why not apologize for your side of things?

If someone continues to hold a grudge, you may need to stop spending time with that person. You may have to let them know that you care about them, but their behavior towards you is unacceptable. It really depends on how bad the situation is.  This can be extremely hard when the person holding a grudge is family or a close friend.

Perhaps you can be neutral and offer up a peace offering. Perhaps their heart can be softened.

Sometimes you need to learn from the experience and move on. Sometimes time is the best healer.

If someone is honest in asking for forgiveness, forgive them and move on. Do not look back.

It feels good to forgive and it feels good to be forgiven.

I try to live by the golden rule- Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Respect is a two way street.

We're all human, let's treat each other humanely.

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