The Real Me (behind the computer)

I love the Internet! I love e-mails and of course my blog. Why? Because I can stop and think about what I'm going to say, how I'm going to respond. Especially if it's about something important or something that I feel so strongly about. In person, or even with a phone call, you don't always get to say everything you want to say or how you want to say it. At least that's how it is with me. I've always been better at getting my feelings out on paper; through a poem or a letter or an e-mail or blog post. If I mess up, I can just delete or erase and start over.

I had an incredible opportunity to be interviewed on an Internet radio show.  (Theresa Erickson's The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program)

When I was approached about it I was excited and flattered. I was also nervous.  I wanted to say yes, but I hesitated for a little bit. Could I do it? Could I really put myself out there and sound somewhat intelligent? Well, you'll have to tell me.

I was relieved to find out that I'd be getting a list of questions beforehand. At least I could figure out what I was going to say/how I was going to respond. I had even blogged about most of the topics, so I printed off some blog posts and highlighted key points. I also jotted down some notes. I was going to be cool and collected and sound professional. Right?

I started to get a bit of anxiety, but I had my notes, I could do this! I wanted to do it. I got over the anxiety. I had about a week to prepare. I went over it in my head and knew what I wanted to say. But then as it got to be the night before (last night) and the morning of (this morning), I started getting nervous. Deep down I'm a shy little girl and there are times when I can get anxiety, mainly social anxiety. Put me on the spot and I don't always sound like I know what I'm talking about. Sometimes I ramble or just can't think of how to say something or how to explain it. I tried not to stress over it.

I phoned in and the butterflies were causing quite a stir. I could hear it in my voice that I sounded scared and nervous. I didn't want to ramble and say too much, but I think I ended up not answering the whole question or explaining what I was really trying to say. It wasn't as easy to use my notes as I thought it would be. As time went on, I could breathe a little easier and could focus a little bit more. Overall, I'm happy with how it went, I just feel like I could have done better.  I did get some key points across, but I didn't say all I wanted to say the way I wanted to say it. But that's ok, because it's all been said and done here at my blog.

For my first experience with a live interview, I did my best and I'm proud that I did it.

There was another surrogate that was interviewed, and I thought she did awesome. She sounded quite smooth and seemed to say all the right things. After hearing her answer one of the same questions I had already answered, I thought "Oh my gosh, I didn't even mention that aspect"... grrr. Seriously I felt like such a dork. I told a little about each surrogacy experience, but it was more like technical info, not how the experience made me feel or how wonderful the families were. I hope I didn't come across as insensitive or that I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I know, I'm probably beating myself up more than I should.

I am very grateful for the opportunity and for all the doors that have been opened to me since I first became a surrogate. If you would like to listen to what I'm like when I'm nervous and not hiding behind a computer, then come on over... but you'll have to wait till next Thursday, March 10th at 11 am PDT. (I'll add a more direct link if I get one)

Please come back and tell me what you thought.

P.S. Now you know why I don't do public speaking anywhere. And yet, somehow I can sing in front of strangers 99% of the time, especially if it's Karaoke!    :)