There are surrogates out there that give us a bad name. They have bad attitudes. They think they know it all about surrogacy and life in general. I feel bad for their IP's. It's like they live for drama. Can't get enough. All they seem to want to do is cause trouble and pick fights.(I've witnessed it many times in the online surrogacy communities) They love to name call and put other surrogates down, just for having a different opinion.. It's ridiculous how the trouble makers band together and egg each other on. It's like a contest to see who can be the biggest bully.
No wonder we get a bad rap.When you see something on tv or in the news about surrogates and it's not very pretty, these are the ladies that model that behavior. Maybe it's not all bad media, maybe they're just talking to the wrong surrogates?
Makes me wonder if they were matched through an agency. If so, does the agency regret matching them? Do they make themselves sound sweet and wonderful and know that it's far from the truth? Or do they really think they are all knowing and all powerful? Do they think that they're decent people?
Call me old fashioned, but I believe in the Golden Rule." Do unto others as you would have done unto you." It makes sense to me. I don't want people treating me like crap, I don't want someone ganging up on me because I don't agree with them. So why do that sort of behavior? What do you have to gain from that? If anything it takes so much away from everyone involved. Yeah I know you think you're tough and you don't care what anyone else thinks.
Sure we all have our own opinions and yes you can express them, but do it in a respectable way. I believe in Karma, and these girls really have it coming to them.
Now, let me tell you about the rest of the surrogacy community....
The other 95% of surrogates are compassionate, respectable, intelligent. It's not a very good combo to be selfish and go into a relationship that requires selflessness. I've asked others to tell me what they think of when they think of surrogates and came up with this:
Selfless
Understanding
Respectful
Ready for anything
Oh so loving
Great friend
Affectionate
Trustworthy
Encouraging
As well as... warm, dedicated, concerned, funny and supportive. If you are lucky enough to know one of these surrogates, give them a hug and /or tell them you are proud of them!
Author of Once Upon a Surrogate: The Stork’s Helpers, started the phrase “I’m not the mom. I’m just the stork”. Surrogacy has opened many doors for me which led to a happier, more rewarding life. (Inactive as far as the Mormon part, still spiritual, open and respectful) My surrobabies were born in 2006 (girl), 2009 (twin boys) and 2014 (girl). I am a huge surrogacy advocate and creative entrepreneur. Hoping to match for one final journey.
100% agree with you! I've noticed some major hostility among some of the surrogates and its unbelievable! I know this is a very emotional journey, but its different for everyone. All IPs and surrogates are unique so it really is a case by case kind of thing. *hugs* to you!!
ReplyDeleteSo true! I joined a surrogacy board recently and my first few posts was met with judgement and hostility and I was told that they were just "telling me the truth" or giving me their opinion.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see it that way. It looked more to me like they were not being supportive or helpful, but just downright mean.
I do believe in the golden rule myself and I hope that that will be returned in kind. As surrogates, we don't have time to be mean and the baby[ies] inside of us can feel those emotions... that is NOT the way that I want a surrobaby I am carrying to feel before coming into the world.
Kristen- Yes it is an emotional journey and everyone will run into different circumstances.
ReplyDeleteWe all need more support not less!
SurroMom- E-mail me (pepperbird@gmail.com) and I'll tell you a great place to go where you should feel welcomed and not be bullied.
You are so right, this is NOT good for us or the babies. :(
Not a surrogate myself, so I don't witness these things first hand, but a big high five to you for doing what you do, and doing it with the right attitude! :)
ReplyDeleteI do a few Facebook groups but this is the reason I don't do SMO boards. I have heard horrible things about them. Instead, I choose to seek out Surro bloggers and post encouraging things- far less drama . . . actually none at all!
ReplyDeleteSad, but true. :-( When I first joined the board it seemed nice, but lately they've been rather hateful towards people. I know I have certain opinions about things, but if I know I can't say it in a positive way I just don't say anything. Some people just like drama...
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the support on this! :)
ReplyDelete