Monday, May 28, 2012

I want to have your baby!

Wow, I bet that got your attention!       :)

Well it's true. However, unless you're familiar with surrogacy, it's not what you think. Yes I want to have your baby.... but not that way. (P.S. that's my new saying, so don't even think of stealing it!)

I am a "professional" surrogate. Although that would rub some people the wrong way for a few reasons which I will not go into. I'm experienced, but to some that doesn't sound good either.

I'm a gestational surrogate (their genetics, my uterus) and I've done this before. I know what I'm doing, I know how to handle a lot that goes along with surrogacy. I have had awesome experiences and I want you to have an awesome experience too.

Surrogacy should be a positive, wonderful experience for all involved. It's important to know what you're getting into and to have a good support system.

Lucky for you, I know what I'm getting into and I have an amazingly awesome support system. I started researching surrogacy in 2005 and I never stopped. I am constantly learning through my own experiences and others'.

I have been designing t-shirts and merchandise for surrogates and intended parents since 2005. I wrote a children's book about surrogacy in 2010. I am working on another one. Surrogacy will always be a part of my life and has opened many doors for me.

First draft to published copy (both my designs)

I have 3 children of my own.


 I also had a baby girl as a surrogate and twin boys.

I married my high school sweetheart and he is my #1 supporter! We have a great relationship.

1995
 
1st surrogacy 2006
 
Twin surrogacy 2009 (my mom in the background, she's pretty awesome too!)



I was a Navy wife for 10 years. Between that and being a surrogate, I can handle just about anything!







I enjoy pregnancy and I enjoy helping others.

I am healthy and have what the Fertility Dr's call a lovely uterus. LOL (but seriously, they all tell me that)

I have an awesome OB/GYN that I have been with since 1996!

I'm a low stress, no drama mama. I'm positive and happy and easy going. I am easy to talk to and easy to get along with.

I have a sense of humor.

One of my shirt designs (surrogacy #1 2006)

I can be silly, but I am serious when I need to be.

I want you to be involved as much or as little as you feel comfortable. I do however, want to know that you're there if I need you. Same goes for me. There should be a happy balance for both sides with respect to our own lives and privacy outside of the surrogacy. I will keep you informed on all things important. I prefer to communicate via e-mail, but phone calls are fine too. You would be more than welcome to come to Dr. appointments and to be there at the birth.

I would like to stay in contact after the pregnancy. This could include e-mails, pictures and possibly visits here and there. It doesn't have to be that way, I'm good with whatever is comfortable for both sides.

I believe that respect is a two way street.

I'm done having my own babies, but I'm not done helping others have theirs.

Like I've said before... I'm not the mom. I'm just the stork. Maybe I could be your stork.


Another of my shirts



 Surrogacy 2006 Baby Girl


Another shirt of mine, with added graphics. Hard to see, I know.
And I have the stretch marks to prove it. Not ashamed, I am a proud surrogate!
Surrogacy 2009 Twin Boys



If you want to know more, just e-mail me.




Utah surrogate, Utah surrogacy, I'm not the mom. I'm just the stork.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I'm not the mom. I'm just the stork.

I don't know about you, but when I'm not actively doing things... I forget how to do certain things.

It had been awhile since I played around in Photoshop. I used it for all the fun editing with my book, Once Upon a Surrogate: The Stork's Helpers.

At first I forgot exactly how to delete a background. I knew there was a better way.
(the ways I remembered were taking forever and not quite perfect)
I Googled it and thought "I can't believe I forgot about the magic eraser tool." Duh!

I was working on updating a few things in my book and when I was done with that, I thought I'd have some fun. I've had this idea recently and decided I could do a rough-cut version myself.

Thus, I had a little reconstructive surgery and voila:



Kinda cool in a creepy sort of way, right? So you see, literally, I'm not the mom,  I'm just the stork! LOL Who knows what I'll end up doing with this. The purple background is the background I used in my book and I had taken this picture and cartoonized it like so:

This version is actually in my book. Just for fun, I'll show you the real photo it come from.

Oh my goodness look at my naked belly for all to see. This was when I was pregnant as a surrogate for the first time about 6 years ago.

I know I've talked about my designing before. I almost got addicted to designing sayings for t-shirts and merchandise. I have since opened about 10 shops to fit all my ideas.

I found this picture of me wearing my most popular saying, I'm not the mom. I'm just the stork. This was also when I was pregnant with the first surrogacy.

I was happy with just the words for awhile, but then I came across some awesome clip art... and something sparked inside me and I had ideas coming to me left and right.

This is the bumper sticker version. (yep there's different versions) I proudly stuck this on our van years ago. I know I bought the shirt version with graphics, but unfortunately I must not have a picture of me wearing the shirt. I swear I can picture myself wearing it.


Aha! Found it, but alas my plump pregnant bosoms are kind of covering it all up and I'm kind of slumped over. (twin surrogacy @  about 28 weeks?) This was a maternity shirt design with the text and graphics on the belly.




You can find all my designs here:
http://mormonsurrogate.blogspot.com/p/merchandisedonations.html


I'm not the mom. I'm just the stork. © Jill Reeder

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Guest Post- Religion VS Surrogacy

Welcome guest blogger, Michelle @ I'm Just the Stork. The original post can be found at: http://theirbabymywomb.blogspot.com/2012/05/religion-vs-surrogacy.html

*Sorry, having issues with the post getting cut off. If you click on the post title below, you can read it in full or click on the link above.

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Religion vs Surrogacy

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. - Elayne Boosler
There are quite a few things I could write in this, my first surrogate blog. I feel strongly about them all, but quite possibly the strongest about this.  

The quote above refers to the Catholic Church, but sadly, it's not just the Catholic Church that feels this way.

In my opinion, every woman who is genuine in the want to be come a surrogate, has thought, prayed (depending on her beliefs) and researched all that is entailed with the process. 

In my own personal decision, it is something that I not only want to do, but I genuinely feel I NEED to. I'm supposed to do this. 

In the past days, maybe even weeks, I've had several conversations with people on this subject. I've had responses from one extreme to the other. I've found that these replies fall into three basic categories.

1.) Happy and Supportive. Thankfully, for my own sanity, 85% of the responses that I receive, fall into this category.  Usually they are at first surprised, but then are genuinely glad and supportive. 

  • "Wow, I've always thought that would be so great to do. I'm so glad for you. I wish I thought I could do it!"
  • "Really? That's pretty neat, and very nice."
  • "Are you sure you could do that? I mean, I could never feel a baby move and grow inside me and be able to give it away."
  • "What happens if something go wrong? Is it safe for you?"
  • "I've learned not to question God. It was obviously his plan that these people not have children."
  • "You know, they have a name for women that sell their bodies...."

2.) Hesitant. I really have no other idea of how to describe these ones. The 10% that reply are usually more concerned with how it will effect me.
3.) Negative. The remaining 5% fall into a category that really was the idea behind this post. I feel like I can safely say that at least three of that five percent are using medical or religious reasons. and the other two? Well honestly I'm not sure where their opinions stems from.
I really wish I was making those last two replies up. I'm not. Up to this point in my surrogacy journey, that has been the hardest part. The fact that those comments came from a person I respect and also a Church official, made it worse. 

There are people in your life that you EXPECT to be negative. It's just who they are, so it wouldn't have come as a surprise if it had of been one of them. Yet when you hear words like that come out of someone completely unexpected, it really throws you off course for a bit.

I'm not saying that I've let their opinions influence what I'm going to do, but it's still something that weighs heavy on your mind, creeping up when you least expect it, or even when your trying to AVOID thinking about it.

Although no one wants a negative response, in my own experience it has been easier to accept one of an admittedly personal opinion  rather than using, for example, Religion to back up your own views. If you don't like the idea of something, say that. If YOU feel it is morally wrong, say that. Do not say "the church, the group, the whatever-the-heck-else" feels like this, and therefore, I have done absolutely no research and follow blindly."

SURROGACY IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Plain and simple. It's not for all to condone and accept, and it's not for all to discourage. It's research, it's praying, it's knowing and it's keeping informed. Not all childless couples will turn to surrogacy, the same that they will not all accept being barren or adopting children. Not all women will become carriers. Not all people will agree with it.

If you wish for me to respect your choice. Respect mine. If you wish for me to respect your opinion, respect mine. And finally, if you wish for me to even remotely consider/ponder your perspective, be dang sure that you have formed your own opinion and not mimicked someone else's. 

The following was taken from a article by Stanford:
"The ethical debate on surrogacy has often looked to religious roots and cultural backgrounds in search of an answer.  One of the first ancient references to infertility occurs in Genesis, when Jacob’s wife, like many of her Biblical peers, was unable to bear a child.  After praying to God and begging her husband, she sends Jacob “unto” her maid and then adopts the resulting child as her own.  Sara did likewise, sending Abraham to her maid Hagar, saying, “I shall obtain children by her.” (Full article may be found HERE

Denomination vs Surrogacy
In the LDS (Mormon) Handbook, it says: 

 21.4.16

Surrogate Motherhood
The Church strongly discourages surrogate motherhood.



The Catholic Church:
"...articulated most fully in the Church's 1987 statement by the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith entitled "Instruction on Respect for Human Life in Its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation" (the Latin title is Donum Vitae, and it can be found at ("http://www.scribd.com/doc/35998853/Vatican-Document-Donum-Vitae-A-Summary").
In that letter, the Church spoke of homologous forms of assisted reproduction in which sperm and egg come from the married couple; and heterologous forms of assisted reproduction in which some third party is brought into the process of conception, gestation, and birth. Most homologous forms of assisted reproduction divorce procreation from sexual union of the man and woman; and all heterologous forms (such as surrogacy) do. As a result, neither is acceptable from within official Catholic teaching." (Entire article found here )

The Jewish Beliefs:
In Jewish law, a childless couple falls within the category of personal suffering and there exists a clear obligation to assist them in every permissible way, as long as no one is harmed in the process.

The Eastern Orthodox Church 
supports medical and surgical treatment of infertility, and 

The Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopal, United Church of Christ, Christian Science, Jehovah’s Witness, and Mennonite religions all have liberal attitudes toward infertility treatments.  

Islamic law encourages attempts to cure infertility, but only to the extent that IVF technologies involve the husband and wife.   

Hindu perspective 
Hindus have never seriously debated assisted reproduction because of their belief in karma, which preordains the kind of life an individual would lead after birth. There is no conflict between Hinduism and assisted reproduction, which is generally accepted as a form of treatment and not an infringement on religious beliefs. 

(articles and reference notes to the previous 5 can be found by clicking here 

Friday, May 4, 2012

Guest post- Difference

Thank you to Sarah @ All Things New for providing today's guest post.

This post can also be found at http://www.anewbeginningtolifeandlove.blogspot.com/2012/05/difference.html

Difference

Last night my ex came over to visit with Ms. M; I think due to his schedule change this next cycle and not having her as much he has just been bummed out.  He was over for an extended amount of time and before he had come over I explained numerous times that daddy was coming to play but she was staying at my house still.  She seemed to grasp what I was saying but when it came down to it she was sad and wanted to go home with my ex.  I told her that he had work tomorrow and that she needed to stay with mommy.  My ex didn't once pipe in until he was walking out the door that he had to work.  She was just upset and got really upset with him because she didn't really get why she couldn't go home with him.

I thought that after he had left that it would be a nightmare trying to get her wrestled to bed; it really wasn't that bad though.  My brother, S and Ms. M share a room right now and it helped.  To be honest, it was a breeze!  Normally when these kind of things happen she whines that she wants to sleep in my bed and I usually cave and let her because it breaks my heart that she is so upset.  She still tried the let me sleep with mama line but when I told her that she needed to sleep in her bed she was okay.  She and my brother made faces at each other and the transition of my ex leaving went so much more smooth then it has in the past.  It was a blessing having my brother living with me!  There weren't tears with my ex leaving like there would have been in the past.  It kind of gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to have a male figure in the house again.

My brother has been a huge help with Ms. M in little ways and this was definitely a huge help.  I know I can trust my brother with Ms. M and not worried that she is going to be neglected or treated badly.  He'll play with her and let her play with his guitar even though he is probably having a heart attack that it will fall over and break.  He will roar with her and play toys with her.  These are things that didn't happen with her dad til after I filed for divorce.  I am grateful for my brother and his willingness to spend time with his niece and be there for us!